“Without craftsmanship, inspiration is a mere reed shaken in the wind.” - Johannes Brahms
My journey has taken me many places. Before Karis, I had been struggling. This included relationships, employment, and finances. My family was worried about me. Normal conversations would trail into nonsensical rants about the government and so forth. I had made the decision to stop taking medications with a psychiatrist and thought that would work out. While having the tendency to believe that my symptoms were nonexistent or manageable, I soon found out that this was not the case. I began a long journey of not complying with my family’s request to go back on medications and to stop using marijuana. This lasted roughly two years. At the same time, I had begun using marijuana again after having eight years of sobriety. It’s amazing how fast your world can change, thinking it was a one-time thing at a concert.
Marijuana had been my drug of choice all the way back since I was fourteen years old. My life was constantly in turmoil from drug use, which impacted my motivation for a career. I was quitting jobs that I had just started and was not living up to my expectations. My vocation was counseling, which I found a passion for after my mental health struggles began when I was seventeen years old. I had worked in the field for roughly four years. I would succeed at some jobs and struggle with others, but I was generally happy with my decision to pursue counseling as a profession. While off medications, my mother reported that I continued to be paranoid and delusional. Experiences I had included thinking people were talking to me directly through the TV.
“At Karis, I found a stable environment where I could work on things like career, budgeting, sobriety, medication management, family relationships, you name it.”
While managing this on the outside was very hard, I grew less willing to try at work. My interpersonal relationships included those from work and some friends outside of work, but my day-to-day life was very isolating. After struggling more with addiction, I quickly became a regular at bars and the cannabis shops. I was reclusive, often spending my time finding ways to use. My alcoholism took a turn when I started experiencing withdrawal symptoms: my finger turned yellow from jaundice, and I experienced sweats, restlessness, etc. I knew something needed to change. I had been bouncing around apartments in Denver and Boulder and was struggling to find a stable life. I thought my career and my life were over.
I arrived at Karis after a brief stint of being homeless and receiving care at an organization in Boulder. I always found a way to fuel my addictions, but things had started to change. At Karis, I found a stable environment where I could work on things like career, budgeting, sobriety, medication management, family relationships, you name it. It had been a hard path getting here: full of self-doubt, self-defeat, and huge amounts of stress. The living environment itself is nice: the rooms are spacious, the backyard is beautiful, there are places to hang out, and the location is great. The staff have all been extremely respectful, hardworking, and authentic. Here, I have regained a sense of stability. While not working as a counselor again quite yet, I found something I am passionate about. I volunteer at a local food bank throughout the week. I find this work meaningful, and it challenges the notions I had about myself not being suitable for a work environment anymore.
“We have fun while remaining dedicated to finding ways to cope with our struggles, learning to identify warning signs and respond in healthy ways. I have found a new kind of hope that I have not experienced before.”
At Karis, there are groups offered every day of the week except Saturday, and the topics are wide-ranging. I have learned a lot, whether it be about different mindfulness techniques, aspects of addiction, or balancing relationships. It has been a life changer. We have fun while remaining dedicated to finding ways to cope with our struggles, learning to identify warning signs and respond in healthy ways. I have found a new kind of hope that I have not experienced before. One where I am no longer at odds so much with myself, so that the blame I put on myself for not being a perfect worker or a perfect family member is malleable and can be worked on. Since starting at Karis, I have reconnected with my brother, whom I talk to frequently, and my relationship with my mother has improved. They see the stability that has resulted from the program and the work we do here. I continue to enjoy my time at Karis, whether it be the check-ins with Community Coordinators, celebrating somebody’s first thirty days or graduation from the program, or doing something on Fun Night with the Community.
I would describe my life today as fulfilling. Volunteering at the food bank has paid off emotionally and has provided structure, which I continue to learn I benefit from. They have even mentioned potentially hiring me on a couple of occasions, which I would gladly accept. I have gained friends who have had similar experiences battling mental illness and are also looking for fulfillment in everyday life. We have common interests and spend a lot of time together. The socialization has been a great help after I previously struggled with isolation. I have learned the importance of being a good listener and remaining empathetic. I continue to work on my cooking skills, try new ideas like tuna melts, or hone my grilling skills. The house jobs have taught me to have patience with myself and the importance of routine in maintaining a healthy life and a clean living environment.
I look forward to the future and thank Karis for being a nurturing, caring environment that has treated me with compassion.
By Sam L., Community Member