Gratitude-schmatitude?
As the holiday and the New Year approach, many of us have brushes with words like thankfulness or gratitude. You might have a tradition over the Thanksgiving table, or have seen recent headlines, or studies, that suggest and encourage us to reflect on what we are grateful for. The word gratitude seems to be everywhere.
But what exactly does gratitude mean?
And, more importantly, with such turmoil in the world…why should I try that out?
Gratitude is a personal practice of reflection that has a lot of scientific support. It can help with overall well-being, sleep, and improved mood. A 2023 NIH meta-analysis showed positive impacts on anxiety and depression. Studies have also shown it can help with self-esteem and social relationships- increasing a sense of belonging and connection.
Gratitude can also be an outlook – one of thankfulness and a general appreciation of what is valuable. In a study with three groups – one wrote about life’s hassles, one about neutral topics, and one about things they were grateful for, the gratitude group showed the best well-being out of the three (Emmons and McCullough, 2010). They also found the practice didn’t need to be complicated, journaling or questionnaires, etc. worked toward this purpose.
Clearly, there is something to this gratitude stuff. But how can I try it out? Here are some ideas:
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START A DAILY PRACTICE - writing down (which also has benefits) three things a day you are grateful for. Try this for next week. I might find my dog shows up often on those lists. That’s ok! She’s something to be grateful for!
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TRY CHANGING INTERNAL “SHOULD” STATEMENT to reflect goals and values. Instead of “I should exercise more” to “My goal is to run three times a week”. This helps manage judgements that tend to distract from motivation and gives us some next steps.
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If you notice a tendency to schadenfreude - or want to avoid that - see what happens when you COMPARE YOU TO YOU. So, I am not happy anyone else is struggling, but I AM glad I am doing better than I was a year ago.
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Take time to DO ONE THING AT A TIME. If it is walking, reading, or washing the dishes, just do that one thing in that moment. Unpleasant things may not be so bad if we are not borrowing more discomfort from the future.
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If you are low on the gratitude bank - ACTIVELY SEARCH FOR WAYS TO REFILL YOUR CUP. Seek out short term, pleasurable experiences that spark some joy, and soak up that moment. A good cup of coffee, a Kit Kat bar, or clean sheets… what else gives you that moment?
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SAY THANK YOU MINDFULLY - and accept thank yous in return. If someone holds the door - say thank you! If you hold the door, pause, just a moment to absorb their gratitude when they say thank you back.
A 2024 Harvard study showed that gratitude practice may even help with longevity! They took the link between gratitude and emotional health and after four years, they found that people that responded with the highest level of gratitude had a 9% lower rate of mortality.
Still a bit hesitant?
Try writing an old-fashioned thank you note. This is a way to face gratitude practice outward. Think about someone that has impacted your life, shaped your perspective or gave you a meaningful gift. A handwritten thank you note can reflect and relay your gratitude to someone else. Bonus points if you send your note – but if the focus is on the practice of gratitude, just writing it can have benefits. A bit too far? What about online reviews? Instead of criticism, try writing out what you love about the new coffee shop or restaurant. No need to sign it – just say thank you for the excellent latte, the fabulous service, or the available parking.
Or try another behavior of gratitude – connection. Doing something nice for someone else can have big benefits – and not just for them. It can be small or big, the point is the internal shift, and what that behavior communicates TO your brain FROM your behavior. It can be offering a seat on a bus, recycling a rogue soda can in a parking lot, or more. When we do something that is opposite to what we feel, we play a little trick on ourselves, in this case, doing something nice means I am grateful, right? That’s correct, brain! This is a trick called Opposite Action, from Marsha Linehan. If what I am feeling isn’t solvable, effective, or wanted what do I do with that lingering emotion? Sometimes we can ease that feeling along or make it less intense with some helpful distractions or by doing the opposite thing to what we are feeling- in this case, something nice.
And if you get frustrated- or feel a bit pessimistic – that’s ok! If I step out of the canoe while I’m fishing, I am not happy one sneaker is wet. But I’m sure glad one is dry. The mindfulness part of the gratitude practice is returning, again and again when I have drifted away. In fact, the act of catching when I am off course is, in itself, mindfulness.
Keep in mind, healthy habits are hard to form and easy to lose track of. This is entirely normal – think about starting an exercise routine – that’s hard. This is working out a new muscle too. The word gratitude PRACTICE is key – keep trying and be gentle with yourself – you deserve it!
By Laura Rossmassler
Board Member