Hi, my name is Taylor, and I have been at Karis for a year and three months. In the spring of 2019, I had a psychotic episode that landed me in a series of treatment facilities against my will, first in Utah and then in Idaho. I was put on an intense medication that disconnected me from myself, my emotions, other people, and the Higher Power I had come to know and depend on through my recovery from alcoholism.
From my perspective, I was a spiritual person who could speak to spirits, Gods, and angels and take direction from them. I had entered a state of “psychosis” and confusion by accidentally getting in touch with black magic and mischievous little demons. From the doctor’s perspective at the treatment facility in Idaho, I was delusional, and the realm of the spirit did not exist. My whole spiritual journey during my years of alcohol recovery was dismissed as a series of delusions. During my year in this treatment center, I felt chronically suicidal. I kept a shred of hope by frantically emailing my former therapist from Colorado. When the time came to finally be released from treatment, the therapist helped me set up an interview at Karis.
- "My whole spiritual journey during my years of alcohol recovery was dismissed as a series of delusions."
After my initial interview, I was so excited to join Karis. Just being in the real world among other adults was healing. Most of the patients at my former treatment centers were only 18-20 years old (I am 28) and had never lived on their own. Here at Karis were people who had a variety of mental illnesses, who were holding down jobs or volunteer positions, and who were functioning as a community. Still, when I first moved in during November 2020, I was reeling from the events in my life.
In my first weeks at Karis, when I went downstairs to the kitchen, I was often greeted by a lovely woman about ten years older than me who was full of energy. She asked me how I was doing and made conversation with me in a casual yet uplifting way. Months later, when we were friends, she told me how shell-shocked I looked at the beginning of my stay here. I have a lot of gratitude for her for making me feel at home. This woman was very into science but also had a toe in the world of divination and manifestation. At the time, I often put the hair from the crown of my head into a little bun pointing straight up, and she would joke, “Is that your antenna to the cosmos?” She made me feel understood. People in the house, in general, were welcoming.
- "Today, I have a strong safety net of trusted people, and I feel joyful."
As time went along, I got to know the staff, and they gave me excellent support. One intern, Ayana, gave me friendly guidance and support in our weekly check-ins. She was respectful of my beliefs, and at the same time, she kept me grounded. We made a safety plan in case any of my paranoia should return. Meanwhile, I connected with a psychiatrist in Colorado, who was much more open-minded. He helped transition me to better medication. I had a therapist outside of Karis as well, and he held space for me to feel miserable and suicidal until I wasn’t anymore. I began to feel stable again. When the administration and staff turned over last spring, I switched to doing my check-ins with Sicily. Sicily and I unpacked my trauma from my previous “treatment” and have worked on other issues such as obsessive thinking and codependency. Today, I have a strong safety net of trusted people, and I feel joyful. I have also re-introduced myself to classes in reiki energy healing, which means I channel positive energy from the Universe – my Higher Power – through my hands to heal physical and emotional illness.
Last spring, the staff asked me to mentor a woman who had just joined Karis. This was the first time in my life that anyone had asked me to mentor someone else, let alone someone significantly older than me and with 31 years of sobriety. I was scared, but I did it. My mentee and I became close friends! She inspires me daily. Surprisingly, I have found that I have many things to offer her. I also receive inspiration from a Community Member who came here with 90 days of sobriety. All the members of the Recovery Support Group motivate me to stay sober.
- "I learn many things from each type of person at Karis, sometimes from their words, but more often from the embodied wisdom of their kind and generous presence."
In my opinion, the Community at Karis has continued to get better and better. We have a great group of kindhearted and thoughtful people here. Many Community Members are on a spiritual path; some have a more linear and concrete sort of life philosophy. I learn many things from each type of person at Karis, sometimes from their words, but more often from the embodied wisdom of their kind and generous presence.
I feel so grateful for this Community. I am more grounded than I was even before my “psychotic” episode because of the things I’ve learned and the connections I’ve made. My connection to my Higher Power is strong and growing, and I have friends who inspire me.
I look forward to moving into a more independent living situation sometime in the next six months. Still, when the time comes, I will miss the Community dearly and look back fondly at my time at Karis.
Taylor, Community Member