“The opposite of addiction is not sobriety but human connection” Johann Hari
I’ve lived with anxiety for as long as I can remember, and I’ve been able to put a name to it for almost as long. What I didn’t realize at the time is that the primary way I was treating it was not healthy or effective. That treatment is called alcohol, and it is a common self-medication. In fact, one study reported that nearly 22% of people with anxiety disorder report self-medication with drugs and alcohol.
I used alcohol because it quickly removed the anxiety when I felt it most, which was in social situations. It’s pretty acceptable to drink at most social engagements in our society, so alcohol worked well until it didn’t. As it turns out, alcohol took away the anxiety for a short period of time but made it much worse in the long run. Not only that, I had to drink more to get the intended effects, and it became a more frequent friend.
Even though alcohol became less effective, I didn’t stop drinking. In fact, there was a long period in my life where the negatives of drinking outweighed the benefits, yet I couldn’t stop. I wanted many things out of life that I didn’t know how to get while living with anxiety. Things like a healthy romantic relationship, meaningful friendships, and a healthier lifestyle, but it was too painful to endure the anxiety I felt when I put myself out there. However, that pain was significantly lessened after a few drinks. So, in my attempt to gain those things while drinking, I’d take one step forward and two steps back. I’d start dating someone I liked, but it would go downhill after I’d get too drunk and say hurtful things. Or I’d fill my body with healthy foods and then fill it with a large amount of toxins (alcohol) that same day. I thought that I could continue to use alcohol to endure living, but I wasn’t making any real progress toward a life I wanted to live.
To this day, I still don’t know why the hundredth attempt I made at quitting alcohol actually stuck. But I can identify what helped me get and stay sober – community. Similar to what Karis offers to its members, community is where I found recovery. The thing that gave me the most anxiety is actually what I needed the most. When initially getting sober, I joined a women’s recovery group that met weekly. It was still really scary for me to go to those meetings. Whenever I had to attend social events previously, I could simply have a few drinks before I left to melt the anxiety away. Now I had to feel all the intensity of the raw emotion and face it head-on. But slowly, with exposure, it started to get easier.
I started gathering weeks, then months, and now years of sobriety. But it hasn’t been an easy road, and I still struggle with “making connection with others” a priority. Knowing how important community is to maintain my sobriety, I’ve gotten creative with my limited time. Here are 3 ways I stay connected during a time of social distancing while also in recovery:
Facebook groups: This offers a virtual connection that is informal and doesn’t take much time. Just the act of reading other people’s stories and advice makes me feel less alone. Being able to offer solutions that work and help others makes me feel more fulfilled.
Chatting with strangers: The smallest exchanges with another human can uplift my mood. Plus, it’s fun learning about someone else and hearing about their unique self.
Being fully present in conversations: This has become hard to come by as so many distractions fight for my attention. But going into a conversation with full dedication brings about a wonderful feeling.
Connection is a necessary tool in my sobriety toolbox, and I look forward to continuing practicing it on my journey. How do you stay connected during this time?
Sarah Best,
Karis Community Board Member