In this season, I keep thinking about a metaphor for mental health practice. Every morning at Karis we stand at the bank of a vast river and, looking out, we see people drowning. We swim out into the river and help each person back to the shore (it only works if they do most of the swimming). Day by day, it’s the same process: looking out across a river to see more drowning people. After some time, though, you begin to wonder: what is happening upstream… Where are all of the people coming from?
On the wall next to my desk, I keep tacked up a flow chart of the “social determinants of health” (it’s a page ripped out of an old textbook called Tackling Health Inequities Through Public Health Practice). This chart is a daily reminder that mental illness is not only something that arises in individuals – a phenomenon occurring “between the ears” – but it is also a product of sick systems. If you make your way up the flow chart (or, to use the metaphor, look upstream), you see inequalities in housing, wages, education, transportation, nutrition, job security, healthcare access and social support. Going further upstream, you see policies that are the cause of these inequalities. Looking further, you see deep legacies of social oppression. In this way, mental health is an individual problem but also a social problem.
So what is to be done? Contemplating all of the problems of society can feel overwhelming or insurmountable, and I know that many of us are feeling this sense of exhaustion right now. At Karis, though, we have a saying, “Here, everyone belongs.”
Our fundamental belief is that, if mental illness often stems from relational or social harms, the cure must be relational or social. Community heals. And this is something we all instinctively know how to do. We know how to make contact with another human. We know how to be in community. As humans, we are wired for connection. Faced with a sick culture, our most valuable resource right now is this simple, built-in capacity for connection.
Research confirms again and again that a feeling of belonging is critical for our wellbeing. As humans, we all yearn to belong. And, likewise, we all have a part of us that fears we don’t belong. This simultaneous longing and fear is something we all share in common.
What I would like to suggest here is that we all do belong, no matter what we may think. Belonging is just a reality. Consider your ancestors, the many generations that paved the way for you to be here today. Consider the future generations who will follow in your footsteps. Consider your family, your friends, and all of the people who are there to support you. Your doctor, your accountant, your hair stylist. You belong to all of that. Consider groups you may be a part of: professional groups, workplaces, your city, your country. Your favorite sports team and the thousands of people rooting for that same team alongside you.
If you’re reading this blog then, congratulations, you belong to the human species as well (unless you’re a very evolved dog). As a species our DNA is 99.9% the same. Modern neuroscience is also confirming that we’re connected in ways both subtle and profound. It is believed that our limbic systems (which help regulate emotion) are networked through the phenomenon of resonance. In the same way that a musical instrument picks up the vibrations of an instrument played nearby, our nervous systems resonate with each other. This means that whenever you’re with someone there is a silent symphony happening between you. The music might be beautiful or it might be harsh, but the sounds are always coordinated and co-responsive. Another discovery, the finding of “mirror neurons” in our frontal lobes, suggests that, on a neurological level, we share the direct experiences of those around us.
I often joke that the DSM-5 has a section on “Dependent Personality Disorder,” but there really should be a corresponding section on “Independent Personality Disorder.” In America we love the myth of the “rugged individual.” I think of my favorite John Wayne movies, the lone man on the plains, self-sufficient, relying on no one. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with individualism; it’s critical that we recognize ourselves as individuals. At the same time, to quote the psychologist Sue Johnson, “Splendid isolation is for planets, not people.”
One of the most important interventions we make at Karis is to reinforce our interdependence, our fundamental sense of belonging. We do this by sharing tasks like cooking and cleaning, being in therapy groups together, and just sharing the same physical space. In our weekly Community Meetings, there are designated times for us to offer gratitude to each other, and also to offer encouragement to those who are struggling. With all of these small acts, we’re gradually recovering the forgotten reality of our belonging.
I wish all of you – our donors, supporters, alumni and friends – good mental and physical health in the months to come. Thank you for being a part of our special community. You belong.
Matt Saks, MSW, LSW
Program Manager, Karis Community
Matt,
This is such a choice letter. Thank you for it.
I really liked how you stated that all people need to be socially interactive, to some degree, with other people.
I really love the statement that planets are isolative but, not people… Or something along those lines.
We all need a partner or close friend in our lives at ALL times.
It doesn’t matter what you have or don’t have, life has been and always will be a difficult endeavor for everyone.
We all need support from others and hopefully we can give some to others as well.
With great appreciation,
Mark Taht