“Adversity is the first path to truth.” – George Gordon Byron
Hello, my name is Ward, and I’ve been a Community Member at Karis for about three and a half months. My struggles center around depression, anxiety, and (primarily) PTSD and alcoholism. I won’t go into too many specifics, but my mental health and substance abuse issues have, in a practical sense, crippled me. I couldn’t interact safely with others (verbal and physical violence were pretty routine for me, both giving and receiving). Any kind of meaningful employment or life goal was beyond me. I had a period of remission that lasted several years, but I ultimately crashed and burned. After several suicide attempts, I was admitted into a mental health facility in Highlands Ranch. This occurred against my will (which I had a lot to say about, abrasively, in multiple languages, none of which should be reprinted) but was for the best.
I came to Karis expecting to find some social interaction and a place to stay. This is not what I found. Karis has instead given me a community to grow into and a place to feel like home. As a result, it’s been a lot less comfortable than I would have hoped for, but that’s probably a good thing. Discomfort is always, always a part of growth. George Gordon, Lord Byron (one of the better-known poets of the British Romantics and an adventurer and revolutionary) said that “Adversity is the first path to truth.” This is probably one of my favorite quotes and definitely my fallback when I forget to read a new quote for community group. In the past year, I have found evidence from this quote to support repeatedly. It also makes this post read as a little more erudite, so that’s a bonus.
“It’s been a lot less comfortable than I would have hoped for, but that’s probably a good thing. Discomfort is always, always a part of growth.”
On that note, the truth is that I don’t always get along with everyone here, including staff. I don’t always agree with the way the program runs. I’m not always sure that I want to be here, in a specific or general sense. Of course, living with anxiety, PTSD, depression, etc., means I don’t always get along or agree with myself. I’m still dealing with anger, resentments, suicidal thoughts, and a whole boatload of trauma. Why should I have a different response to other people or anything else for that matter? The fact is that everyone at Karis is here for genuine reasons. Their reasons are just as pressing and persuasive as my own, and of course, there’s going to be friction at times. Recognizing that no one is perfect and everyone has reasons behind their flaws are perhaps the most important coping techniques I’m developing in my “season” (they really like that word here at Karis).
Another one of those skills and ideas, and the one I’m going to end with, comes out of cooking and baking for Thursday night’s community dinner. One of our staff members asked me about the process involved in baking bread. I answered in a very general way, and she said that she prefers more precise instructions to bake successfully. Now, this is my own quote, so it’s no Byron, but it still has some utility, both in the kitchen and in life. When you’re cooking or baking, don’t worry about the end result. Just focus on each step of the process as well as you can. Sometimes this means adding more spice, flour, water, etc. Sometimes it means moving to a community like Karis. Sometimes, it means taking a minute to breathe or a few extra hours to make a decision. My experience is that if you operate that way, the final product usually comes out better anyway. Take from that what you will, and thanks for reading.
By Ward, Community Member